Barnhart Media
writing.video.noise.genius.
2018-04-07 SS poemetry page.png

poemetry

a way to explore thoughts, usually first thing in the morning.

five may

i’m sorry.
i wish i knew,
as you seem to know,
when is the right time
and the right way
to be arrogant,
dismissive,
and cruel.
i always get these wrong,
so people call me
a jerk
and worse.
i don’t blame them.
i don’t do humaning very well.
i attempt to mimic
the real people,
the better people.
i try to explain
how my opinion has merit
and theirs is shit;
i try, but i cannot copy
their skills,
their superiority.
i suck at being
a knowledgeable adult
who knows better than others
what is right,
what is wrong,
and what is so fucking stupid
that mere derision
can never be sufficient.
instead i prove
once again
and yet again
what an amateur i am.
i crawl off
to cringe in the corner,
safe again under a blanket of
abuse and criticism,
warmed by familiar shame
and clutching the sharp pain
of the self-righteousness
of all those
who are better than i am.

i will be nothing.
i will let you be nothing.
there will be peace
as i breathe
and remain
nothing.

T.A. Barnhart